This past summer, Jen and I sat down with the boys and made up a plan for all of the fun and educational activities we were going to partake in. We thought it would be cool to do things like visit the Field Museum, Planetarium, and Shedd Aquarium. The boys both agreed that, yes, those would be cool things to do, but they had their own ideas and suggested things like fossil hunting, a visit to the moon, catching penguins, and, thankfully, the zoo. We dutifully wrote these activities, and others, on little cards and put them in a jar, This jar was to be our planning aide in that when we were planning our fun and exciting (and educational) activities, we could randomly pick a card from the jar and set off on whatever adventure we had inscribed on it. We then placed the jar in a safe location so that we would always know where it was and then promptly forgot about it, never to look on it again.
I'm still not sure where that jar went to, but I do know that we never did most of the things we had written down. We went to many parks, played at the pool, watched TV, and, in general, had a nice relaxing summer. However, as my summer break came to a close, I got a bit of a hankerin' to do some of the things we had talked about. I don't know if you are the same way, but when a vacation comes to an end, I get the feeling that I want to do both everything and nothing at the same time. I want to go for a run and go to a movie and sit on the couch and finish the trim on the floor and learn to play the guitar and go camping and sit on the couch and read and go on a trip and not go on a trip all AT THE SAME TIME. It can be fairly frustrating, and it happens at the beginning of every August. Thankfully, one evening as I was running through my list of things to both do and not do, Ethan came into the room. He was holding a book open to a picture of a penguin and said, "Daddy, I want to see more penguins."
"Sure," I said. "No problem. Lets fire up the ol' internet get a bunch of pictures for you..."
"No! A REAL pengiun."
"Well, we don't have real penguins around here. They live in the southern hemisphere and..."
"And I want to see a bat."
"A bat?" I paused for a second. "The animal or the thing you hit a ball with?" Sometimes it is just fun to mess with your offspring.
He looked at me like I was a moron. He may not know the word "moron", but all kids come standard with the ability to fix their parents with a look that conveys, in no uncertain terms, that you are exactly that. "The animal," he said, slowly.
"Oh. Ok. Well, how about we go to the zoo?"
"YEAH!" he yelled. "The Zoo! Lets go see animals! I wanna see a monkey and a whale and a baby moose and a bat that is an animal and a polar bear and a squirrel and ..." He continued listing animals for a little while while he ran into his room to get ready to go. He didn't realize that it was late and that we were not going until the next day, but eventually we got him into bed and off to sleep.
The next day the whole family set off on our zoological adventure. It was a great day for it, and we soon found ourselves looking at most of the animals on Ethan's list. (Alas, no whales.) We began our journey in the ape exhibit. Given that their father is a biology teacher, they both know the difference between monkeys and apes. Given that they are both young boys, they don't know when to keep their mouths closed.
While we were looking at a few gorillas, a boy who looked to be about 9 or so jumped up by the glass and shouted excitedly to his parents, "Look at the monkey!"
"Ape," corrected Ryan without really looking at the kid.
"Yeah," added Ethan. "Ape."
"What?" said the boy with a little less excitement and slightly more anger.
"Monkeys have tails, apes don't," said Ethan.
"Do you see a tail?" asked Ryan
My first thought was, "Wow, my boys are geniuses!" My second thought was, "Man, that bigger kid looks kinda pissed." My third thought was, "I don't think I want to go to jail for punching a 9 year old."
"Ryan! Ethan! Look at that orangutan over there! Why don't we go look at that!"
"Also an ape," said Ryan over his shoulder to the kid as we walked away.
"Yeah," said Ethan. "No tail."
Thankfully the rest of the day passed without much incident. They both really liked the snakes and bats, and I especially liked when Ryan attempted to speak to the snakes in the Harry Potter snake language of Parseltongue. ("Dad, I think the snake is listening to me!")
Ethan, who is known for his understatement, kept pointing out various traits of the animals. "That's a really big moose," he said of what is clearly the biggest moose in the world. "That's a really long neck," he said of a giraffe that was as tall as a 2 story house. That is a really red butt," he said of the baboons.
So the trip was a success. We all got to see some animals, the boys got something from the gift shop to break on the way home, and we had a great outing as a family.
Two days ago, however, Ethan brought up the zoo visit again while we were driving home from someplace. He was rambling on about different animals and eventually hit on an idea he had to share.
"I want a gorilla."
"No you don't," said Ryan.
"Yes I do. I want a gorilla."
"As a pet," I asked, "or as a stuffed animal?"
"A pet," he said confidently. "I want a gorilla as a pet."
"Well, I don't see a problem with that," I said. "How about you, Jen?"
"Nope," she said, playing along. "I don't see any issues with having a gorilla at home."
"Yea!" said Ethan.
"How about you Ryan?" I asked. "Do you see any problems with having a gorilla as a pet?"
He thought for a second and then said, emphatically, "Yes. There are many problems with having a gorilla as a pet."
"Such as?"
"Well, the main problem is that they would eat all of our banannas," he said matter-of-factly.
"That is true," I said, stifling a laugh.
He continued, "And then mom would have to go back to the store every day to get at least 20 banannas."
"I want to put him in pajamas!" said Ethan, who clearly wasnt' listening to Ryan's objections.
"That's a lot of bananas," Ryan added.
"Monkey pajamas!" said Ethan.
"Gorillas are apes,' exclaimed Ryan, "Don't put him in monkey pajamas."
"Big monkey pajamas with bananas on them," continued Ethan.
"Besides, it is too big to be in the house," added Ryan emphatically.
"It can sleep outside in it's monkey pajamas," said the helpful Ethan.
And it continued like this for the rest of the car ride. I don't think they came to an agreement about whether or not to get a gorilla, but as soon as we got out of the car, all ape related discussion stopped and we moved on to the next topic, whatever that was, and they completely forgot about the previous one. Kids can be like that, I guess. And so can parents, if the activity jar is anything to go by.
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