Little Bits, Part 4

Again, short posts.

Yesterday while we were at the store Ethan informed the cashier and anyone who was within earshot that he wanted to have big testicles and that his were small.  Oh, the things he notices while potty training. (Sun, 08 Aug 2010 14:31:50 GMT)

I have discovered that one of my favorite new things is to have Ethan say "Hippopotamus".  It is really adorable. (Fri, 13 Aug 2010 01:26:22 GMT)

Ryan last night:  "Can you please just give me the password to the computer so I can go help Ethan watch a show?  I promise I'll forget it before bed." (Tue, 17 Aug 2010 11:13:46 GMT)

Had a bit of a dance party with Ethan yesterday in the mall.  I forget which store, but the music was fun and we just danced around while Jen looked.  He can really shake his little booty when the rhythm gets him. (Sun, 22 Aug 2010 17:39:37 GMT)

My little boy is now 3.  He has grown so much, but at least I know that, at least for the time being, he still needs me to pull the arms off his lego guys and reattach them so that they are on backwards. (Thu, 26 Aug 2010 02:57:53 GMT)

Ethan stumbled out of bed this morning into the living room, hair messed up and eyes barely open.  First thing he does is ignite an imaginary lightsaber and battle Darth Vader, complete with sound effects, for a few minutes before cuddling in my lap with his stuffed penguin. (Sat, 28 Aug 2010 16:03:47 GMT)

Over the course of several days, Ethan has asked me many times to "Spin me right round, baby like a record baby right round, round, round."  So of course I oblige him.  You can't ignore a request if it is put to you in the form of a classic 80's tune.  It's in the rule book. (Mon, 30 Aug 2010 01:40:11 GMT)

 Ethan informed me last night when I went to say goodnight that "I am sick now because Ryan punched me in the testicles a month ago when we were downstairs and you were working out and he punched me and I punched him and he punched me hard in the testicles and now I have a small penguin." (Wed, 01 Sep 2010 10:51:03 GMT)

Like father, like son.  Ethan appears to have some sort of breathing issue.  ER Doc seemed to think it has an environmental cause, rather than a bacterial or viral.  Doesn't seem to slow him down much, though. (Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:50:29 GMT)

 Tonight we watched "Tooth Fairy" and they boys spent most of the time running around pretending to be fairies.  Every now and then they'd switch to being "airbenders", hockey players, jedi, and fish (don't know, didn't ask) and eventually back to fairies.  Fun family movie, but it was more fun to watch the kids. (Sat, 11 Sep 2010 02:37:38 GMT)

 

Ethan yesterday:  "Dad,  I like this strawberry yogurt.  It doesn't have spies in it!"  Me:  "Ummm...yes.  That is a good thing.  The last thing we want are spies in our yogurt." (Sun, 12 Sep 2010 14:16:49 GMT)

 

Ryan and Ethan were playing on my bed this afternoon.  Ryan asks, "Ethan, can I take your shoes off?"  Ethan stands up, extends a foot and says, "Yes."  Ryan grabs his foot, removes the first shoe, then shouts "Sweep the Leg, Johnny!" and totally cuts his other leg out from under him.  I don't remember teaching him that.  Ethan loved it. (Fri, 17 Sep 2010 21:54:39 GMT)

Tonight while the boys and I played soccer, Ethan made an announcement.  He grabbed the ball, put his hands up to his mouth and yelled, "John McEnroe is coming onto the field!".  Ryan promptly ran over to him, stole the ball and ran away.  Ethan got an angry look on his face, threw his hands in the air and shouted "You CANNOT be serious!".  It is my new favorite thing he says. (Fri, 24 Sep 2010 01:18:16 GMT)

Picked up some needles to inflate the soccer balls for practice tonight.  Ethan asked, "Dad, what is those for?".  Me: "To pump up the balls downstairs."  Him: "You gonna pump your balls downstairs?"  Me, not thinking: "Yep."  Him: "Downstairs?  You gonna pump your balls?"  Me: "Stop it.  You are too young for innuendo."  Him:  "What is innuendo?"  Still not convinced he didn't know what he was saying. (Wed, 29 Sep 2010 11:17:38 GMT)

 I didn't realize it began this early, but at soccer last night my son kept "accidentally" kicking his ball onto a field where a U8 girls team was practicing. He'd kick it and he and his buddies would sprint after it, shoving each other and laughing.  They'd collect the ball and then saunter back, looking at them as if to say, "Hello ladies.  Just playin' some soccer.  You like what you see?  I thought so." (Wed, 06 Oct 2010 10:58:39 GMT)

Went for a run this morning with Ryan.  He rode his bike the entire time and only complained once about how hard the hills were.  We did around 3 miles, so he was a little pooped at the end, but said he can't wait to do it again.  Great way to spend part of a Columbus day. (Tue, 12 Oct 2010 01:23:44 GMT

Ethan took his shirt off and is currently crawling around the chair wearing black socks and Blues Clues pajama bottoms saying "Let's Dance!" over and over again.  Looks like I have no choice but to throw on a little Lady Gaga and bust a move. (Sat, 16 Oct 2010 14:24:21 GMT)

Ryan's team won for the first time this season 6-3.  Ryan got 2 goals, had a legitimate assist ("Dad, I looked up, saw Sanders was open, and passed him the ball." as opposed to "Oh, crap...lost control again...oh good, Sanders was there...") and made a few great saves while he was in goal. (Sat, 23 Oct 2010 21:45:43 GMT)

Ethan is convinced that the land which was cleared at a little ways from our house is not going to be used to build an assisted living community, but rather will be used to build "a huge bouncy house" where "the old people will bounce around all day".  I kinda like his idea better. (Sun, 31 Oct 2010 19:55:43 GMT)

The other day Ryan was complaining about Ethan being so clingy and shouted "I want alone time to play by myself!"  Ethan, a little confused on the subject, shouted back "Me too!  I want alone time to play with Ryan!" (Fri, 05 Nov 2010 11:11:15 GMT)

Watching "James and the Giant Peach" with Ryan.  Early in the movie when the titular Giant Peach makes its first appearance, Ryan says, deadpan, "Man, that’s a huge fruit." (Sat, 20 Nov 2010 03:02:33 GMT)

 

Boys both running around shirtless pretending to be Aang/Spiderman/Venom/Superman/Random Gymnast guy/Mario/Penguins all at the same time.  I don't know exactly how they are fitting all those characters into one coherent narrative, but I guess when you are 6 and 3 plot holes are just something you are not terribly concerned with. (Wed, 24 Nov 2010 17:10:45 GMT)

While watching an episode of "Life" with the boys this morning, it was made clear Ethan and Ryan both love cute animals and were prone to saying "Aww!  How adorable!" I thought I had some highly intelligent  boys on my hands, but apparently Ethan isn't as clued in as I originally thought.  At one point, the narrator made reference to a dormant volcano.  Ethan pipes up with, "Aww!  That sure is an adorable volcano." (Sat, 27 Nov 2010 15:40:08 GMT)

Ethan doesn't believe that poop is made from food, so Jen asked me to explain how it all works.  Using their kids anatomy book, I told him about the food going into the mouth, stomach, small intestine, large intestine, "...and then into my testicles!" adds Ethan.  "No, Ethan," corrects Ryan.  "Only drinks go into your testicles.  That's how you pee."  Oh well - at least they know where their testicles are. (Thu, 02 Dec 2010 11:32:06 GMT)

While putting up the Christmas tree yesterday I let the boys choose the music we were going to listen to.  "Charlie Brown Christmas"?  Nope.  Carols?  Nope.  Some sort of instrumental music that at least vaguely resembles Christmas music?  Nope.  They chose "Here Comes Science" by They Might Be Giants.  We put up the tree to songs like "Meet the Elements", "My Brother the Ape", and "Bloodmobile." (Sun, 05 Dec 2010 14:14:47 GMT)

Little Bits, Part 3

More short ones.

The difference between a 5 year old and a 2 year old.  Ryan:  "Why did Jesus have to die?  What day did he die?  Was he a ghost?  Is he the same thing as God?  How did he die on the cross."  Ethan:  "Why did Jesus blow up my house?" (Sat, 27 Mar 2010 21:49:49 GMT)

Breakfast time with two Jedi/Paleontologists/Dinosaurs can be very interesting.  One minute they are discussing what the feathers on Velociraptor might have been for, then then ARE Velociraptors, and finally out comes the Jedi mind trick to convince me that we should go to Chuck E Cheese today.  Never a dull moment. (Sun, 28 Mar 2010 13:09:46 GMT)

Apparently "Dinosaur Train" is educational as well as fun.  Ethan is walking around singing "I'm a T-Rex/Yep, I'm a Tyranosaurus/I'm the biggest carnivore/in the Cretaceous forest."  I don't think he knows what most of those words mean, but he can say "Cretaceous" and "Tyranosaurus", so I'll call this a win. (Wed, 31 Mar 2010 13:48:33 GMT)

Ethan this morning: "Want to hear a funny joke?  Why did the cow cross the road?"  Me:  "I don't know, why?"  Ethan:  "I don't know.  Moo." (Thu, 01 Apr 2010 12:45:24 GMT)

Ethan, while playing with Lego guys:  "Everybody take your pants off!" (Sun, 04 Apr 2010 00:52:00 GMT)

Ryan chucked and Ethan looks sickly, so instead of playing outside in the awesome weather, we are watching "Legoland: Adventures of Clutch Powers" for roughly the 543rd time.  I voted for "The Dark Knight", but obviously I was outvoted. (Fri, 16 Apr 2010 23:17:29 GMT

Home with a sick Ryan.  He is feeling better, which is nice, and keeps asking when he can go out to the park.  Dude, you upchucked so much in the van I expected to see a spleen on the floor - we ain't going anywhere for a while. (Sun, 18 Apr 2010 17:49:57 GMT)

As I was leaving for class tonight, I said good-bye to Ryan, who then told me he loved me (awesome), to Jen, who also told me she loved me (awesome), and to Ethan, who said, "See you later, honey!" (Tue, 20 Apr 2010 01:06:04 GMT)

Ethan just informed me that he is not happy because he is mad.  He also just informed me that he is a cheetah, so I am taking the first declaration with a grain of salt. (Sat, 24 Apr 2010 01:00:43 GMT)

Spent about 1 hour tonight removing a splinter from the hand of a screaming 6 year old.  90% of the time I wasn't even touching him, and had he not flinched so much, the whole thing would have taken about 5 minutes.  Who knew that dissecting the brains out of microscopic embryonic Axolotl embryos all those years ago in college would come in handy? (Mon, 10 May 2010 02:22:29 GMT)

 

Ethan was playing with his Star Wars guys this evening and every time a Storm Trooper attacked Luke, the Storm Trooper got put in Time Out.  "No, Storm Chooper.  Bad Storm Chooper!  Don't hurt Luke.  Go in Time Out!" (Sat, 15 May 2010 02:21:57 GMT)

Whoops.  Ethan just ate about 90% of a tube of Ritz Crackers while I was doing the dishes.  I guess I have to look at this as a win due to the fact that he ate something and that the something he ate wasn't 90% of a jar of Crisco.  Ritz crackers are better for you than Crisco, right? (Sat, 15 May 2010 15:40:37 GMT)

My sons are arguing about who they like more - Anakin, or Darth Vader.  Really arguing. It is far too early for this. (Fri, 21 May 2010 12:44:59 GMT)

Just made portobello mushrooms on the grill.  Quite tasty, if I do say so myself, but the reaction Ethan had when he put a piece in his mouth was priceless.  Several chews followed by a defiant spit into his hand and throw onto his plate.  "Don't wike dat.  Yuk." (Sat, 05 Jun 2010 22:26:30 GMT)

Apparently the swimming pool water is cold.  Ethan says, "Cold testicles!  Cold testicles!" whenever he gets in.  Thankfully only about 75% of the churchgoers behind our house heard him yesterday afternoon. (Sun, 04 Jul 2010 13:13:20 GMT)

I knew that the boys would eventually eat all of our food, but I didn't think that it would happen so soon.  Ryan just ate his lunch of tortellini and sauce and then asked for the rest of mine after I had only taken 3 bites.  I notice that Ethan has a few left in his bowl.  Perhaps I can steal his... (Fri, 16 Jul 2010 16:56:05 GMT)

I learned two somethings today.  #1.  Homemade milkshakes are the best.  #2.  If you stick a spoon into the rotating blades of a blender, the resulting mess will extend all the way to the living room. (Tue, 20 Jul 2010 23:35:24 GMT)

Teaching Ryan to read reminds me of how weird the English language is.  "Book" and "Shoot" both contain "oo", but they don't sound the same.  "Car" and "War" only have one different letter but don't sound the same.  Seems arbitrary, and arbitrary doesn't go over well with a 6 year old! (Sat, 07 Aug 2010 13:10:10 GMT)

Little Bits, Part 5

You know the drill...

Ethan just transformed into a car and zoomed off, complete with sound effects, to brush his teeth. (Wed, 08 Dec 2010 01:47:16 GMT)

In the middle of decorating the Christmas tree Ethan stopped in the center of the living room, bent over and grabbed his butt. He then exclaimed "You gotta open the butt so the poop comes out!". He then got up, grabbed an ornament, and continued decorating. (Fri, 10 Dec 2010 22:45:28 GMT)

 
Last night the boys and I were reviewing how to trash talk so they are ready for when Uncle David comes into town.  They threw large inflated balls at me and I would smack them away yelling things like "Get that out of MY HOUSE!"  Totally fun.  When I put Ethan to bed, he climbed onto the bed, smacked his stuffed Koala across the room and yelled "Not in my HOUSE!" (Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:09:24 GMT)

We're standing behind the house where Santa is sitting and Ryan hauls off and punches me in the leg. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Nothing," says Ryan. "But don't worry," he says looking in the direction of the house, "Santa's not watching." (Fri, 24 Dec 2010 01:37:23 GMT)

We are playing Lego Harry Potter on the Wii, and Harry gets to use an invisibility cloak to sneak around.  Discussing it last night after brushing our teeth, Ryan states that he wants to have an invisibility cloak, not for reasons you might expect, but so he can "punch bad people in the testicles without them knowing." (Sun, 09 Jan 2011 15:49:38 GMT)

We were standing in the entryway of a restaurant where there was a painted wooden cow. Ethan says, "I wish there was a butt on this cow."  Me: "A button on the cow?" Ethan: "No, a butt on this cow."  Me, still confused: "You want a button, as in 'something you can press?" Ethan: "No, a butt, as in 'somewhere the poo comes from'.  But a button would be nice too." (Sun, 16 Jan 2011 02:15:49 GMT)

Ethan just finished dinner and when I turned my head for a second I heard him start humming the theme from Indiana Jones. I looked back and he is hanging from the back of his chair readying himself for the leap onto another chair a few feet away. Before I could stop him he jumped, still humming, and landed on the chair with a smile. (Tue, 18 Jan 2011 01:02:30 GMT)

Watching Bears v Green Bay. Ryan:  "This is boring. Who wants to play Chutes and Ladders?". (Sun, 23 Jan 2011 22:35:41 GMT)

Awesome 3 year old jokes.  Ethan:"What do dolphins have for breakfast?"  Me:"I Don't know."  Ethan:"Lunch." (Mon, 24 Jan 2011 01:40:29 GMT)

At Monkey Joes with the boys. Ethan was running and the referee girl told him to walk. He nodded then took off again, whereupon she reminded him to walk. He nodded again, walked a few feet and took off again. She told him one more time and he slowed to a walk again. He is still walking everywhere but he walks like a coiled spring, seemingly holding himself from running by sheer force of will.  A (Fri, 28 Jan 2011 22:03:21 GMT)

Playing Super Mario Galaxy with the boys. After I died once, Ryan said, "That stinks!" and I replied, trying to be a good dad, "No, because every time I die I learn something new." A few minutes later after having died 10 more times, Ryan says, "Man, you must be learning a lot." Yep. What I am learning is that my son is a smart ass AND that it is really hard not to scream "F*CK THIS GAME!" when your sons are around. (Sun, 30 Jan 2011 14:36:29 GMT)

 

Ethan and Ryan were eating ice cream and asking questions. Ethan: "what's under your shirt, dad?" Me: "My skin." Ryan:"what's under your skin?" Me: "Muscles and blood." Ethan:"What's under that?" Me:"Tissues and organs." Ryan:"What kind of organs?" Me:"All kinds." Ethan: "Can I see?" Me:"No. Rule of thumb: if you can see yours or someone else's organs, call 911." (Sun, 13 Feb 2011 20:23:37 GMT)

Ryan's new favorite joke - Q:  Why can't you hear Pterodactyls going to the bathroom?  A: Because the "P" is silent!  Ethan likes to tell jokes too but sometimes misses the point.  His version - Q: Why can't you hear Tyrannosaurus going to the bathroom? A: Because the poo is silent!  I think he told some version of this about 30 times last night. (Fri, 18 Feb 2011 12:01:43 GMT)

Apparently I have to child proof the computer a little more because Ethan managed to order several DVDs from Netfix.  Kind of a surprise when the new little red envelope arrived containing "Diego and the Iguana Sing-a-long".  When I checked the queue there were 6 more Diego movies seemingly all at the behest of our little 3 year old computer hacker. (Sun, 20 Feb 2011 14:05:14 GMT)

While getting changed after swimming, Ryan grabbed all the keys and declared himself in charge of them. I said "So you are the Key Master then?"  He told me yes, he was the master of keys. Ethan then said, "But I want to be the Key Bastard!" (Sun, 27 Feb 2011 00:06:33 GMT)

Eating a healthy lunch of nuggets from McDonalds, Ethan balks at eating
a nugget because he "forgot how to eat".  I laughed and told him that this was at least an original excuse for not eating lunch, but since it is a relatively important skill I was willing to work with him so he was able to recall the motions required for consuming nutrients. (Sun, 27 Feb 2011 19:22:56 GMT)

 

Thanks Coach Piland!  The boys loved going to the gymnastics gym after school today to "work out".  They were laughing and excited the entire time and were mesmerized by the boys on the high bar.  Watching one of the varsity guys spinning around and then dismounting, Ethan looks at me and says "I need to get bigger so I can do that." (Thu, 10 Mar 2011 00:23:51 GMT)

Thank goodness for millisecond attention spans. Ryan tonight: "Dad, how do babies get into their mommy's uterus?" Me (under my breath): "Oh sh*t..." Ryan: "No, never mind. How does Superman fly?" Me (out loud) "Oh thank god. Well, Ryan, it all has to do with the earth's yellow sun..." (Thu, 17 Mar 2011 22:24:57 GMT)

My boys seem to be having a contest to determine who can come up with the worst possible way to wake daddy up. So far Ethan is in the lead with a wicked kick to the throat, but Ryan comes in a close second with a fart in the face and a headbutt. They both get extra points for their determination and willingness to sacrifice their own sleep to make these attempts at 4:46 and 5:13 in the morning, respectively. (Mon, 28 Mar 2011 13:15:02 GMT)

Got into a debate the other day with my boys about who is faster, the Flash or Superman. Ryan said Superman and I said the Flash, and Ethan said that Spiderman is cool and that he shoots webs and that he could shoot webs around the flash and superman and then Batman could come in and hit them all and that Jedi have lightsabers and Harry Potter has a scar. Ethan needs to work on staying on point. (Fri, 08 Apr 2011 11:03:02 GMT)