Little Bits, Part 5

You know the drill...

Ethan just transformed into a car and zoomed off, complete with sound effects, to brush his teeth. (Wed, 08 Dec 2010 01:47:16 GMT)

In the middle of decorating the Christmas tree Ethan stopped in the center of the living room, bent over and grabbed his butt. He then exclaimed "You gotta open the butt so the poop comes out!". He then got up, grabbed an ornament, and continued decorating. (Fri, 10 Dec 2010 22:45:28 GMT)

 
Last night the boys and I were reviewing how to trash talk so they are ready for when Uncle David comes into town.  They threw large inflated balls at me and I would smack them away yelling things like "Get that out of MY HOUSE!"  Totally fun.  When I put Ethan to bed, he climbed onto the bed, smacked his stuffed Koala across the room and yelled "Not in my HOUSE!" (Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:09:24 GMT)

We're standing behind the house where Santa is sitting and Ryan hauls off and punches me in the leg. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Nothing," says Ryan. "But don't worry," he says looking in the direction of the house, "Santa's not watching." (Fri, 24 Dec 2010 01:37:23 GMT)

We are playing Lego Harry Potter on the Wii, and Harry gets to use an invisibility cloak to sneak around.  Discussing it last night after brushing our teeth, Ryan states that he wants to have an invisibility cloak, not for reasons you might expect, but so he can "punch bad people in the testicles without them knowing." (Sun, 09 Jan 2011 15:49:38 GMT)

We were standing in the entryway of a restaurant where there was a painted wooden cow. Ethan says, "I wish there was a butt on this cow."  Me: "A button on the cow?" Ethan: "No, a butt on this cow."  Me, still confused: "You want a button, as in 'something you can press?" Ethan: "No, a butt, as in 'somewhere the poo comes from'.  But a button would be nice too." (Sun, 16 Jan 2011 02:15:49 GMT)

Ethan just finished dinner and when I turned my head for a second I heard him start humming the theme from Indiana Jones. I looked back and he is hanging from the back of his chair readying himself for the leap onto another chair a few feet away. Before I could stop him he jumped, still humming, and landed on the chair with a smile. (Tue, 18 Jan 2011 01:02:30 GMT)

Watching Bears v Green Bay. Ryan:  "This is boring. Who wants to play Chutes and Ladders?". (Sun, 23 Jan 2011 22:35:41 GMT)

Awesome 3 year old jokes.  Ethan:"What do dolphins have for breakfast?"  Me:"I Don't know."  Ethan:"Lunch." (Mon, 24 Jan 2011 01:40:29 GMT)

At Monkey Joes with the boys. Ethan was running and the referee girl told him to walk. He nodded then took off again, whereupon she reminded him to walk. He nodded again, walked a few feet and took off again. She told him one more time and he slowed to a walk again. He is still walking everywhere but he walks like a coiled spring, seemingly holding himself from running by sheer force of will.  A (Fri, 28 Jan 2011 22:03:21 GMT)

Playing Super Mario Galaxy with the boys. After I died once, Ryan said, "That stinks!" and I replied, trying to be a good dad, "No, because every time I die I learn something new." A few minutes later after having died 10 more times, Ryan says, "Man, you must be learning a lot." Yep. What I am learning is that my son is a smart ass AND that it is really hard not to scream "F*CK THIS GAME!" when your sons are around. (Sun, 30 Jan 2011 14:36:29 GMT)

 

Ethan and Ryan were eating ice cream and asking questions. Ethan: "what's under your shirt, dad?" Me: "My skin." Ryan:"what's under your skin?" Me: "Muscles and blood." Ethan:"What's under that?" Me:"Tissues and organs." Ryan:"What kind of organs?" Me:"All kinds." Ethan: "Can I see?" Me:"No. Rule of thumb: if you can see yours or someone else's organs, call 911." (Sun, 13 Feb 2011 20:23:37 GMT)

Ryan's new favorite joke - Q:  Why can't you hear Pterodactyls going to the bathroom?  A: Because the "P" is silent!  Ethan likes to tell jokes too but sometimes misses the point.  His version - Q: Why can't you hear Tyrannosaurus going to the bathroom? A: Because the poo is silent!  I think he told some version of this about 30 times last night. (Fri, 18 Feb 2011 12:01:43 GMT)

Apparently I have to child proof the computer a little more because Ethan managed to order several DVDs from Netfix.  Kind of a surprise when the new little red envelope arrived containing "Diego and the Iguana Sing-a-long".  When I checked the queue there were 6 more Diego movies seemingly all at the behest of our little 3 year old computer hacker. (Sun, 20 Feb 2011 14:05:14 GMT)

While getting changed after swimming, Ryan grabbed all the keys and declared himself in charge of them. I said "So you are the Key Master then?"  He told me yes, he was the master of keys. Ethan then said, "But I want to be the Key Bastard!" (Sun, 27 Feb 2011 00:06:33 GMT)

Eating a healthy lunch of nuggets from McDonalds, Ethan balks at eating
a nugget because he "forgot how to eat".  I laughed and told him that this was at least an original excuse for not eating lunch, but since it is a relatively important skill I was willing to work with him so he was able to recall the motions required for consuming nutrients. (Sun, 27 Feb 2011 19:22:56 GMT)

 

Thanks Coach Piland!  The boys loved going to the gymnastics gym after school today to "work out".  They were laughing and excited the entire time and were mesmerized by the boys on the high bar.  Watching one of the varsity guys spinning around and then dismounting, Ethan looks at me and says "I need to get bigger so I can do that." (Thu, 10 Mar 2011 00:23:51 GMT)

Thank goodness for millisecond attention spans. Ryan tonight: "Dad, how do babies get into their mommy's uterus?" Me (under my breath): "Oh sh*t..." Ryan: "No, never mind. How does Superman fly?" Me (out loud) "Oh thank god. Well, Ryan, it all has to do with the earth's yellow sun..." (Thu, 17 Mar 2011 22:24:57 GMT)

My boys seem to be having a contest to determine who can come up with the worst possible way to wake daddy up. So far Ethan is in the lead with a wicked kick to the throat, but Ryan comes in a close second with a fart in the face and a headbutt. They both get extra points for their determination and willingness to sacrifice their own sleep to make these attempts at 4:46 and 5:13 in the morning, respectively. (Mon, 28 Mar 2011 13:15:02 GMT)

Got into a debate the other day with my boys about who is faster, the Flash or Superman. Ryan said Superman and I said the Flash, and Ethan said that Spiderman is cool and that he shoots webs and that he could shoot webs around the flash and superman and then Batman could come in and hit them all and that Jedi have lightsabers and Harry Potter has a scar. Ethan needs to work on staying on point. (Fri, 08 Apr 2011 11:03:02 GMT)